Sunday, September 2, 2007

The Process

The day before yesterday, I was mowing the backyard. You see, I have a system to this: first I do the edges, then I go diagonally. On this day, my oldest decided he wanted to help me. My straight lines began to take on a life of their own, not an even one, either. As he pushed next to me, I thought, "It does not even matter. What matters is he's right here next to me- it's the process." Then I had an epiphany- it's all about the process isn't it? I've stumbled through life with a plethora of uneven lines of my own. I look back and often cringe at the past. Now, I know through all those ebbs and flows, it's about the process. It's not perfect, it isn't for anyone, but it's about the learning, the sharing, the growing.

Parenting is like that, too. I have often winced at the many mistakes I've made, the things I've said or done out of anger. I know God has grace on me, I hope my children have grace on me, I desperately try to have grace for myself. But ultimately, it's the process. I genuinely believe that even through those moments I want to kick myself in the head for my insensitivity or lack of appropriate parenting skills, I know my children will ultimately know I loved them with a love that surpasses all recognition, all possibility of being understood. Quite like the Father loves me.

Yes, it's about the process...

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